5 Reasons Your Partner Isn’t In The Mood

You have been at work all day dealing with coworkers, customers and your boss. You get home to take care of the kids, cook dinner, relax with the family and maybe watch a show. Finally, you bundle the little ones off to bed and have some quiet time for you and your spouse.


The sugar and caffeine rush from this morning is long since spent. Their belly is full from dinner and their feet are throbbing from running around all day helping customers or moving merchandise. They are burnt, spent, pooped, worn out, wiped and exhausted. Put a fork in them – they are done. All they can think about is shuffling, like the living dead, off to bed and curling up under a warm blanket. They are gonna be out like a light five seconds after their head hits the pillow. It isn’t about you; they just have nothing left in the gas tank.


Work can be hyper-competitive and stressful. From demanding bosses to unruly clients, work is gonna be the death of us. It takes a lot of energy not to go off on someone who desperately needs it because they are a customer and the customer is always right, even when they are wrong. The bills are due and money is tight. The kids have been sick and your partner has been up all night giving them medicine and putting them back to bed. They are stressed out and ready to snap. You may have had a wonderful night’s sleep and a nice easy breezy day at the office, but they are just nowhere near feeling amorous. Cut them some slack. Rub their feet and take care of the evening chores for them. Let them relax and decompress.


Life is busy and most of us try to juggle work, family time, kid’s activities and getting some extra education to make us competitive in the marketplace. After working all day, then running errands and dropping off/picking up the kids from activities, you might be in the mood, but your partner still has to research and write a paper for the master’s they are working on. The only free time you get is after everyone else is taken care of for the night. Those couple of precious hours after the kids go to sleep might seem like a good time to get your freak on, but your partner has things that need to get done.

You have had a stressful and busy week. You have done everything that was on your to-do list and gotten some rest to boot. You feel recharged and ready to tackle some new things. Your partner has been pestering you all week and you feel a little guilty. So, you set up a romantic evening and you are ready to get your mojo on. Finally. But, they had a free hour earlier in the day with no one around and, feeling pent up all week, they just took care of it themselves. No harm, no foul. You feel a little put out and rejected, but it isn’t just about you. They still love you and still find you as attractive as they ever did.
Maybe one of their parents is seriously ill and just found out a few hours ago. Maybe their favorite sports team is in the playoffs and they really don’t want to miss the game. Maybe they have an important presentation at work tomorrow and they feel underprepared. There are a million reasons why their mind would be somewhere else but there with you. They have things they value as important on their minds right now and just aren’t in the right head space to jump in the sack right this instant. It doesn’t say anything about you and it is not a rejection. It usually has to do with them and what they are dealing with in that moment.